What makes us lose our voice

So much to share

Lost in the minds overgrown maze

Of old “stuff”

Something tells me not to speak.

If I dare, the voice they hear will not be my own.

And I’m reminded to stay quiet.

Locked up..


Beyond thick layers of secrets and dread

I still see myself…

That piece of me that cannot be burdened by a world that weighs me down

She smiles, waving from a sunlit field

I used to know her,

I used to be her.

How do I get back there?

Back to her..

I cannot stay here



Slowly blending in

With this parched soil.

The lil bug

I saw you there

In my watering can

And just in time

I scooped you up

And placed you gently

On my favourite marigold

You were so pleased

I could feel your love

As you wiggled and danced

Stretching out your

Lil body on that bright orange petal

You wanted to live

So life filled you

You wanted to fly

And you grew wings

Perhaps they were always there

But somehow

In that moment

It seemed anything was possible

That if you shared your world with an insect

They would share a tiny miracle

With you

And off you flew

Right by my happy eyes

To explore your world

Leaving me so thankful

For mine

But it wasn’t yours

And it wasn’t mine

It was ours

Salad in a Blender

Until quirks are the norm, life will never be as fun as it was surely intended to be.

The world is made up of many people who see, feel, and think differently.  We need to start being ok with a world that doesn’t look and do things one way.

In fact, I’m certain if we look to those who see and feel and think differently and value their experience, perspective and ideas we will see beautiful change in this world.

  Someone jumps on the spot because it calms them. 
Someone needing to chill and be alone  doesn’t mean they are mean or that they are angry with you.

We might not call someone lazy because they don’t want to jump from their school day to another activity or don’t like to partake in certain events.  Taking in the sensory world usually feels like a herd of galloping clydesdales heading straight for you!  It is exhausting! 

Let us focus on the things we love.
Help us find confidence in doing things that use our natural talents and bring us peace!  That way, the precious stores of incredible, abundant or limited, energy will be used in the best way!

We might not laugh about someone who speaks awkwardly because we would know it’s just because their mind is going 1000 miles a minute and they can’t instinctively find the right words at the right times.  We think and speak and wonder and rearrange and worry and visualize all in the same moment.

We wouldn’t freak out over a meltdown in public because, hey, being out in public is a touch tortuous.  Being with people who don’t know how and why it is, makes it even more painful.

Like being the only one who can see a tornado coming, nobody else is sweating and screaming and when it is over, your little house is the only thing that got blown over and everyone is looking at you….then you need to search for somewhere to retreat into solitude, confused but also happy that you’re now safe and alone.

We would start making things easier for each other instead of trying to chop down a person’s strongest roots.  Eliminate the undesirable behaviours….a terrible term.  Here’s the thing…if you give me a chance to breathe and step back and close a door, I can do so much more than if you downplay my emotions or remove comfort zones or routines.

You can’t just say “oh we make him/her do this/that because autism doesn’t rule our life”  I just cringe anytime I hear people talk like that because that sounds like they are disregarding the difficulty their loved one has with certain outings or situations. You actually DO need to adjust your life a little.  And there is no “getting used to” things that bring you extreme discomfort. Exposure therapy?? No.  All you are doing is taking my reaction and suffocating it when it’s best for you.  Where does the pain go that I’m experiencing?  I’ll tell you a few places   it could show up.  A meltdown.   Lashing out.  Eating disorders.  Alcoholism.  Depression.  So you think you’ve handled the “undesirable behaviour ”   but all you have done is forced your needs on another and forced them to seek comfort in destructive ways to self.

Great things come from gentle, loving encouragement.   And allowing time for our minds to get wrapped around whatever it is your wishing us to do.

If we decide we will take on this request. . I like a start time, an end time, break time, and the ability to be comfortable wherever it is we are headed.  Please be ok with going over the plan a few times if necessary   I am mapping it out in my head to be ready for each step.   Please don’t surprise me with unexpected people and extend the duration of the outing.  I might agree to lunch out, but I don’t want to sit at a table by the line up waiting to be seated or in the path of the glaring offensive sun beaming through a curtain-less window.  

You wouldn’t pour a 10 kg bag of flour into a teacup.  Yes you got a teacup of flour but what happens to the rest of that perfect and valuable flour? I would never run my lovely dinner salad through the blender.  Why would you do that to your beautiful salad?  I’d much rather let my salad be a salad all colours, fresh and crispy.  One simple step back can give someone struggling the power to move 100 steps forward.  Trust me on this. 

If you know someone who has autism or a sensory processing disorder or any other type of amazing difference, know that they’re doing the very best they can at every possible moment.  It’s the only way they know.  We learned early on about expectations and the inner calm we would sacrifice to meet them.   If you are able to help someone get through their day a little easier you can then see just how super fabulously smart, dedicated and kind they are.

When someone sees their path ahead full of scary beasts, and they know they have to get through it no matter what, they go in cringing and screaming and waiting for pain.  Total torture.  Then guess what?  They get to look forward to a replay every day of their life.  Starts to feel like dread.  Starts to feel like an ending before the beginning. Defeated.  You know there won’t be time to refuel.  You know you’ll have to mask or pretend through most interactions just to get by.

  I grew up with all kinds of sensory issues that I worked at 100%, 24/7 just to “fit in”.  That fitting in felt like fighting the beasts.  I still have to work at it every day. 

It must become typical and wonderful to see true authenticity.  Let’s scratch the idea of conforming.  Let’s praise our kids for being real and honest and not giving in to the pressures of society. Embrace the quirks.  Until quirks are the norm, life will never be as fun as it was surely intended to be.  Let’s stop assuming and expecting.  It’s hurting people!  Let’s find out about comfort zones and preference and know that not everyone can show up or tackle stuff or manage basics without costing them their entire energy allowance for that day.  Or week or month.  Burnout happens.  It happens much quicker when little tasks use huge amounts of your energy and peace of mind.  You feel life become a pool of quicksand where you know you will never get out.  The more you try the more you sink.  The only way to win is for the struggle to be recognized and adjustments to be made.  You CAN walk a different path.  You don’t NEED to go through the quicksand.
What if some kind soul opened a side door where the beasts couldn’t fit…and we could go along with our day free of pain, feeling safe, all while knowing we have a friend.  That sounds nice right?  And logical too?

It can be as simple as:

Turning down your music.

Forgetting about eye contact.

Closing a blind.

Letting someone sit in the chair they always sit in.

Allowing a chill out for 5 min.

Stop talking so much.

Give someone time to absorb new info and see it clearly anyway they need, whether through visuals or just extra time to think it through before demanding input or decisions.

Don’t be offended if they don’t want to eat lunch with you or get together later.  They may have had all they can take just with the basics of life and just cannot fathom adding extras.

These sound like small and fair things for anyone no matter who they are doesn’t it?

We need each other!  We need our differences.  We need to change this world from a place where everyone needs to “strain” the unique flavours out and pretend to be vanilla  into a world where possibilities and the magic of true self are endless. 


By light of the day
On winds of the past
Our patchwork hearts
Are together at last

Forever to run
Freely to go
With a dash of sweet mystery
Full of unknown

Promise to wish
From the depths of your soul
Where bones turn to petals
And diamonds to coal

Where my dream
And your nightmare
Dance until dawn
Til the wishes on dandelions
Blanket the lawn

And we jump from the clouds
As the rain splashes down
Water drenched sunshine
Soaking the ground

And the petal takes root
Becoming a tree
Whose bones lay beneath
So sacred
And free

Hold your coal warm and close
Treasure hides like a secret
Waiting of course
For the seeker
To seek it….

Sept 18,2018


Our hearts were born with a promise
To beat with hope
And truth
No matter what
To stay gentle
In disgrace
To share love
Through hate
And when the big storms pass ~

We are there
For those who lost their way
A light for all to find their own
Carried with them all along

Slowly remove the suffocating layers
That blurred the holes
Our souls peek through

Attempts to hide joy
With fear
Shattered with
The rise of those who embrace
The possibility of wonder

Soft heart’s
Begin to beat as one
Shining light back
To the sun

Lifting all
From pain to ease
From depleted to content
From lost
To found

There is a moment
When our world will change
You will feel it
As you choose to shine
To turn from
Thoughts that
Shake your heart
To those that flutter through you
Like butterflies through a garden
Watch as joy
Showers you in surprise.

Silent Beauty

I found I could not taste the soup

As I read aloud

I wanted the words to be beautiful

You must be silent to ever satisfy your hunger.

And what you speak when you are content,

Will only ever be …


The Bench

The bench that waits
Beside the creek
Where I listen
And tall trees speak

As I learn
To understand
Nature’s voice
Is calm and grand

Quiet, whispers the sun
The very best
Is yet to come

Will it be a bunny
An owl or a butterfly?
No! It is the smiles
Of a couple passing by!


I guess I wished I could set it aside
Leave it behind
That it would disappear
Or be picked up
Cracks patched
And be ok

But that’s not how we did things
I understood it belonged to me
Only for me
And no one else
I understood that nobody else
Wanted to see it

If they did
They would see imperfection,

So I smuggled it in
Under a lovely sleepy moon
Cursed it for not being worthy
And as the sun came up
Placed it gently into a beautiful box
Wrapped it in pretty paper
Tied it tightly with a very nice ribbon
And towed it behind me like a prisoner would drag a ball a chain

Sometimes people ask
What is that??
It looks so pretty
It seems special,
Why do you ignore it?

Oh that?
It IS pretty
I make sure it looks just right
I make sure it doesn’t get in anyone else’s way
It is only for me
And no one else

I’m not sure if I’ll ever open it..

I’m sure getting tired of dragging it around though..

Sometimes I imagine how I would feel
To rip it open
Like it were Christmas morning
And shout “Ta da!!”
“Hey look at this!!”
Put it on display for all to see

There’s just no chance for it,
Hidden within such pretty paper

But to display it, say, on a mantle
Well there,
It may fall~~
Fall to the hard tile floor
Forever set free
Like me~~

Where I Stand

I am not where I stand
Though you see my feet
Stuck firmly
Upon this ground

My thoughts and feelings
Reach through endless realms
Dance through dreams
Mingle with Spirit
Manifest from the Heavens

Tune to a vibration
Follow a whim
Download in prayer
Inspiration in meditation
Divine access
Simply by being still

Allow the soul to explore
Beyond what we see
Beyond where we stand
Beyond this glimpse
Of limited reality

We are not where we stand

I Am A Little Leaf

I am a little leaf
I grow and flow and fall
I see you
Noticing me

If I were but a leaf
Falling sweetly to the ground
Would I not want someone to notice me
To smile with delight
At my small but sacred flight
The gentle beauty of it all

To let their heart and soul be kissed by the little dance
Performed just for them

Ahh yes I truly would

As they delight in my adventure
Perfectly timed to be part of theirs
I feel a wave of their own
Wishes for joy
Rushing through me like
Contagious laughter

Spreading to all who will choose
To allow it
~~~Ensuring all those wishes come true~~~

I am a little leaf
I grow and flow and fall
I see you
Noticing me