A Momma Named Lynda Jean

For my momma on Mother’s Day. May 14th, 2017

Did you know that I can still see your gorgeous shiny hair as you took out your curlers?
You still have the best hair

Did you know that I’ll never forget the time I came home to you finishing the wall paper in my room? There you were surrounded by pink and blossoms and coated in sticky glue ~ I can still smell that glorious freshly papered room. I loved it so much. Thank you.

Did you know that I still love wiener pizza? That was and always will be a heck of a good idea.

Did you know that I appreciate each and every time you let me stay home with a tummy ache? I was a super sensitive lil gal and no other momma would have understood me as you did.

Did you know I am STILL super sensitive? And sometimes the only cure is coffee with mom.

Did you know I have no idea who Rita’s cousin’s uncle’s neighbour’s son is or what year he got married? I know you know. You know the names and dates and places of anything I could ever wish to know. Thank you for being my infinite source of facts and forgotten tidbits.

Did you know that I will never forget how much you did for all of us? From meals and baking to sewing and endless chores. To saving me from weird situations and smoothing things over when I thought they were unable to be repaired. From something you found or made for me “specially”. To the many moves and fresh starts. From homemade donuts after chicken catching. To making me believe that I “shouldn’t even worry about it” and nothing I feared was a big deal. Thank you.

Did you know that Maddy and Max find the same comfort with you?
Maddy even told me this week I “sure was lucky cuz I got to have Grandma as my mom.” You better believe it Beana. The luckiest.

Did you know that I can still hear GX94 playing our songs?? Jiving around the kitchen. Or were we waltzing? Was it a polka? Hmmm

Did you know that you may never beat my Zuma score and that’s ok. 😜🐸

Did you know that I may have looked 10 years older by now if it hadn’t been for Lynda “poppins” early morning pop ins after the babies were born! Thank you for the naps. The laundry. The meals. The advice. The shoulder to cry on.

Did you know I hope my kids feel the same way about me that I feel about you ~ if I can provide them love and laughter and wisdom and comfort and maybe bake some cookies now and then maybe I can pull it off. It’s not always easy but I am following in the most beautiful footsteps one could follow.
Thank you momma for being my momma.

Happy Mother’s Day!!!
The favourite.

I’m Here

I’m here. I need you to know.

I replay moments that we shared and ones I’ve dreamed

For you I’m just a scent and just a song away

For me you’re a whisper, a smile, a big step forward when I’m afraid and tired.

I see you being brave.
In that moment you breathe in
In that moment you breathe out
In that moment your tears flow freely
In that moment you choose joy
I am here.

For you I live in an entire kaleidoscope of infinite stories that you read and tell and remember how they were told to you while I held you in my arms.
There’s nothing like that warm, safe dream of together.

I wish for it every second I’m still.
I beg for it back when I’m worn out.
When I don’t have anything left to hide all the stuff I keep underneath.

Those days do come
I’ll be there to help you hold that heavy feeling
You’ll find peace in a memory and laughter will soon follow.

I just wish you were here

I am ~ close your eyes
Do you see me?
Just on the other side of the thinnest wall where you can still feel my presence.
Still hear my laughter
Still feel your heart thumping when you see my eyes light up for you.

I really wish I could talk to you
Just once more

You can~I hear you
I bet you can hear me too

My love knows you through and through and treasures every bit.
You get to keep that for all eternity
And so do I.
Love exists in a realm surpassing life and death.

How do I find you?
How will I know you’re still here with me?

Did you know there is no end sweetheart~~
Only places far beyond our imagination
With lights as bright as the sun
No fear, no pain, no worry
Just joy. Just love.

You may feel we have separated
But we remain
Long after we must part
Love remains~~

It will wrap you up like a warm towel after a hot bath.
It will sing you to sleep.
It will wake you when the sky is so beautifully blue
that you simply must not miss it.
Maybe you will find a nickel
Catch a rainbow gracing gloom
Spot a dragonfly under the sparkling sun
See the most delicious bloom under a peculiar tree
See a bird soar high above this Wild world.
That is my love being sent straight to you

That is when you’ll know
You have found me
When you have opened your heart
Just enough to see the magic
That remains
That is me
I am always there

I was on top of the world from the day I knew we would be together
I am still ….
Right here.
A light to guide you through this world
In your heart
And right beside you too
Every step of the way.

Keep on being brave
It matters
The tough parts are little bridges that we must trust and
we must cross.
They don’t go on forever.
They just get us to the good stuff.

I hope you do the things you love today.
Go for a drive,
Walk through the garden
Bake a cake
Drink a big cup of coffee with just the right milk and sugar.
Make yourself smile cuz that’s the time I love the most. 🙂
I love you always, forever,
and still…

The Bench

The bench that waits
Beside the creek
Where I listen
And tall trees speak

As I learn
To understand
Nature’s voice
Is calm and grand

Quiet, whispers the sun
The very best
Is yet to come

Will it be a bunny
An owl or a butterfly?
No! It is the smiles
Of a couple passing by!

Where I Stand

I am not where I stand
Though you see my feet
Stuck firmly
Upon this ground

My thoughts and feelings
Reach through endless realms
Dance through dreams
Mingle with Spirit
Manifest from the Heavens

Tune to a vibration
Follow a whim
Download in prayer
Inspiration in meditation
Divine access
Simply by being still

Allow the soul to explore
Beyond what we see
Beyond where we stand
Beyond this glimpse
Of limited reality

We are not where we stand

Having Known You

There is not another like you. Not even close.

 

There is not another just like you
I haven’t found one, not even close

Like my favourite apples
When there are none
I leave without a single one
Cuz I’d rather have none
Than one not quite right

I leave silly thoughts sitting alone on a long bench in my mind
No one will understand them
No one but you
So they sit there alone
Without you

Well, without you
I wander around …and I’m without you.
I’m without you.
Right now in this moment you aren’t with me.
But your beautiful face,
Your chuckling, bubbling laughter,
Your wit,
Your warmth and accepting spirit that created endless joy and tranquility,
Well those beautiful memories and cherished gifts have never left me.

Having known you~
Joy and tranquility
Are forever with me
I am without you,
But you are with me.

I Am A Little Leaf

I am a little leaf
I grow and flow and fall
I see you
Noticing me

If I were but a leaf
Falling sweetly to the ground
Would I not want someone to notice me
To smile with delight
At my small but sacred flight
The gentle beauty of it all

To let their heart and soul be kissed by the little dance
Performed just for them

Ahh yes I truly would

As they delight in my adventure
Perfectly timed to be part of theirs
I feel a wave of their own
Wishes for joy
Rushing through me like
Contagious laughter

Spreading to all who will choose
To allow it
~~~Ensuring all those wishes come true~~~

I am a little leaf
I grow and flow and fall
I see you
Noticing me

Look Within

When the outside hurts

Remind yourself  why you

Came here this time

You brought that bright shining light

Do you remember?

We do.

It still glows

It’s still as bright

It’s still yours to shine

~Look within~

 

You’ve made good use of

It’s gentle guidance

When you didn’t even realize

You were being held up

By your own two hands

 

I know it feels like nobody gets you

Nobody can really hear you

When you’re sure they did

You feel the sharp edge of doubt

And even laughter

You curse your innocence

But this is a very special part

Of who you are

 

What you are feeling

Is only meant to push you

A little bit

To remind you to

~Look within~

 

You know you set out on a mission

To bring love, joy, peace and safety

to heal all the ones

Who would cross your path

 

You listened with love

To the stories of their lives

You made sure they knew

No matter what

They were good

They were needed

They had certain joy in store,

Waiting just ahead

They were perfect just as they were

 

You must remember your own words

You are good

Your heart is kind and pure

You know how hard you try

You know you must never, ever

Look outside yourself

For approval or comfort,

When feeling lost, confused or scared

Your unique path is only to be understood by you

And if you embrace that unique path

Living from your heart

Living your truth

You will achieve what you set out to achieve

You will help heal the world

You will comfort those

Who feel as you do today

You will find it all

If you

~Look within~

 

Oh it is sweet

To feel the embrace

Of the golden universal light

The bold but delicate piece

You carry within

Must be released now

As you speak

As you write

As you encourage your children

Play with your pets

Care for a loved one

Share your abundance

And your barely enoughs

Tidy your home

Treasure your dreams

Sing along with the radio

Ignite the fire of joy

 

Can you see how quickly

That small piece you share

Becomes enough

Simply by shining it

In all you do

 

You are loved!

We are always here

Remembering for you

When you forget

~Look Within~

Sail On

My child

I hold you while you slumber

please rest more

so we can share a breath

as you quiet your mind

and your breathing slows

your tired dream syncs

safely with the angels

I cherish you

I embrace your fight

dissolving any battles

easing all the angst

you awaken

utterly refreshed

full only of harmony

a knowledge of oneness

divine light

pouring over

your transformed soul

following a new map

to bring your gentle heart

back to the top

to rule the mind

you are a light

you must sail on

my kind and gentle child

carry that light

wherever the waves carry you

 

Ready For Change

The magic of you racing to uncover it, forced it to emerge into the sun

We were on a path,

Well worn,

Well marked,

Pretty enough,

Sufficient even,

Safe and predictable.

You left in a hurry,

With excitement and expectation.

I followed you,

Scared you may fall.

We raced together.

I tried to slow you down at first,

Battling thoughts in my head.

Do I stop you?

Do I put you back on the path of all known things

Where the familiar would comfort my fear,

Or do I run with you?

You just seemed to know that something wonderful beckoned,

the magic of you racing to uncover it, forced it to emerge into the sun

As though it could sense your arrival, all with perfect divine timing,

As you chose to listen to your inner being,

You were set free.

Free to explore.

Free to become the explorer you were born to be.

You would follow your heart,

And I would follow you.

What we found was what the universe wishes for us all,

To see life from a new perspective.

To find freedom.

To feel adventurous.

We were not bound to the rules

Of a place we didn’t fit in.

We embraced this journey,

Each step creating a new path in perfect harmony with our unique spirit.

We sat down together

And rocked back and forth,

Listening to the water flowing by.

The air around us was cold,

But we were warm and cozy like two kittens snuggled by a fire.

You were happy.

You were smiling.

You didn’t need to follow an old path through a familiar place.

You needed to be free to run and seek.

To lead us

To the beauty only you could find.

May I always be witness to the glorious life that unfolds around you,

As you create your own roads in this spectacular world.

It is ready for change.

Wake, Breathe, Seek Joy

Just be happy…

It’s what we’re meant to be.

And it will only BE

If you can truly BE YOU.

 

It’s exactly right to be exactly you.

This will make you happy.

It is not ok to feel knotted up inside trying to get along in society.

This will make you unhappy.

Every unique quality is like gold, to treasure and celebrate.

The value we each have,

The value we were born to share,

Is not meant to be hidden or altered.

We aren’t supposed to feel that differences mean things are harder, or will make life more of a struggle.

It would be harder if you were trying to fit into what someone else has decided is good, appropriate or necessary, to be of value and succeed.

You will struggle if  you feel you need to change in order to be worthy.

 

NO!

Don’t try to fit.

Just don’t.

You are not supposed to.

You came exactly the way you were meant to be.

Who says any passion or characteristic is more or less

It just isn’t so.

 

I am choosing to give my son a home where we trust in his true purpose

A purpose known by him and guided by him.

I choose to help him express himself in ways that bring him joy.

His very being, has brought joy to the world around him,

I see my most important job is to ensure his joy remains free flowing.

As it flows it washes away hurt, worry, stress and anger.

It always leaves a shine in the eyes of those who truly see him.

I won’t teach him “quiet hands” or shush his humm.

These are things that make him happy.

We are supposed to be happy right?

YES!

We will create a new way of life.

Where we are free to be, and live and communicate in OUR best way,

We will never conform to a tired old “normal”

It goes beyond awareness of conditions or disorders.

It goes far beyond a cute logo, coloured light and inclusion.

It is so much more than services and understanding or the lack of.

I don’t see any of those things….anymore.

You see,

I realized something because of what

I DO see.

I see him.  I see him enjoying his life.

I see him finding ways to make himself happy

I see him loving the heck out of things like trains and honeycombs.

I know he is full of pure, sweet, love.

The only time I see him upset

Is when we’re trying to make him “fit” into some ridiculous standard

Or when we push our needs ahead of his own.

It is true that as a family there will need to be compromise and it is likely there will be some annoyance along the way.

But I choose to be part of a family

That has unconditional support for each other,

Where we show big love,

Where we do the stuff that makes us laugh,

Where the cheerleading for our own, and each others

True inner joy

is so exuberant and so silly

It never fails

It just cannot.

 

I believe,

That good things can happen.

We know,

That accepting differences is the way toward change.

Where things we only dream of

Can be created in our reality

And show us all a new way.

Of course, I’m not just speaking to those of us with undeniable differences.

This is for anyone who wakes and breathes and seeks joy.

If you can take away one thought

From all of this,

Just be happy

It’s what we’re meant to be.

And it will only BE

If you can truly

BE YOU.