I’m Here

I’m here. I need you to know.

I replay moments that we shared and ones I’ve dreamed

For you I’m just a scent and just a song away

For me you’re a whisper, a smile, a big step forward when I’m afraid and tired.

I see you being brave.
In that moment you breathe in
In that moment you breathe out
In that moment your tears flow freely
In that moment you choose joy
I am here.

For you I live in an entire kaleidoscope of infinite stories that you read and tell and remember how they were told to you while I held you in my arms.
There’s nothing like that warm, safe dream of together.

I wish for it every second I’m still.
I beg for it back when I’m worn out.
When I don’t have anything left to hide all the stuff I keep underneath.

Those days do come
I’ll be there to help you hold that heavy feeling
You’ll find peace in a memory and laughter will soon follow.

I just wish you were here

I am ~ close your eyes
Do you see me?
Just on the other side of the thinnest wall where you can still feel my presence.
Still hear my laughter
Still feel your heart thumping when you see my eyes light up for you.

I really wish I could talk to you
Just once more

You can~I hear you
I bet you can hear me too

My love knows you through and through and treasures every bit.
You get to keep that for all eternity
And so do I.
Love exists in a realm surpassing life and death.

How do I find you?
How will I know you’re still here with me?

Did you know there is no end sweetheart~~
Only places far beyond our imagination
With lights as bright as the sun
No fear, no pain, no worry
Just joy. Just love.

You may feel we have separated
But we remain
Long after we must part
Love remains~~

It will wrap you up like a warm towel after a hot bath.
It will sing you to sleep.
It will wake you when the sky is so beautifully blue
that you simply must not miss it.
Maybe you will find a nickel
Catch a rainbow gracing gloom
Spot a dragonfly under the sparkling sun
See the most delicious bloom under a peculiar tree
See a bird soar high above this Wild world.
That is my love being sent straight to you

That is when you’ll know
You have found me
When you have opened your heart
Just enough to see the magic
That remains
That is me
I am always there

I was on top of the world from the day I knew we would be together
I am still ….
Right here.
A light to guide you through this world
In your heart
And right beside you too
Every step of the way.

Keep on being brave
It matters
The tough parts are little bridges that we must trust and
we must cross.
They don’t go on forever.
They just get us to the good stuff.

I hope you do the things you love today.
Go for a drive,
Walk through the garden
Bake a cake
Drink a big cup of coffee with just the right milk and sugar.
Make yourself smile cuz that’s the time I love the most. 🙂
I love you always, forever,
and still…

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Having Known You

There is not another like you. Not even close.

 

There is not another just like you
I haven’t found one, not even close

Like my favourite apples
When there are none
I leave without a single one
Cuz I’d rather have none
Than one not quite right

I leave silly thoughts sitting alone on a long bench in my mind
No one will understand them
No one but you
So they sit there alone
Without you

Well, without you
I wander around …and I’m without you.
I’m without you.
Right now in this moment you aren’t with me.
But your beautiful face,
Your chuckling, bubbling laughter,
Your wit,
Your warmth and accepting spirit that created endless joy and tranquility,
Well those beautiful memories and cherished gifts have never left me.

Having known you~
Joy and tranquility
Are forever with me
I am without you,
But you are with me.

We are the Sun

The curtain came down,

Before I could speak.

I on one side,

You on the other.

I waited, stunned at the sudden finality.

This must be part of the show.

This heavy velvet

suffocating with silence,

Would rise and I’d be able to say the lines I had planned to say,

And those I hadn’t,

As they flooded my mind with so much urgency.

Time was still passing,

As I held my breath.

The clock that had never worked,

Began to …reminding me to breathe.

The curtain anchored itself in,

locked “for now”.

I stood there alone.

The crowd that had been watching, had left,

Eager to escape the stifling stench of despair.

I was sure you would find a way

to come back to me.

You were the “star”.

“This” couldn’t go on without you.

Nobody else knows the lines.

Nobody else knows how scared I am to speak mine.

Nobody else remembers OUR memories.

~~~I was completely alone~~~

You were on the other side

of something I didn’t understand.

How could I still hear your voice,

Feel your presence,

But not see you?

Our scene was over….or paused,

I didn’t know which.

I don’t know how long I stayed there ~at that curtain~…

Time became irrelevant.

The only thing that existed,

Were the delicate cracks in my desperate heart.

I knew I would have to step back into my own light,

And create a new role for me to play.

I didn’t want to.

I wanted this one.

I wanted it all back.

I wasn’t ready to become anything without you.

Me without you..

No.

I hated it…

I cursed it..

I poured out my deepest, tar soaked depths,

And floated there as long as I could

Without sinking.

One night as I dreamed,

You came back to me.

You took my hand,

Pulled me from the dark,

Wrapped me in the curtain

I had thought was our “divide”.

It wasn’t.

It was now a magic cape,

Coloured with all of our memories.

Stitched through endless days of our shared laughter,

our shared sun.

You looked at me and whispered

“You are the star, I am the wish,

We are the sun.”

“You are the light, I am the warmth,

We are the sun.”

We have always been, and will always be one.

You had given me the gift I needed to keep on.

We are not divided and never were.

We are only united,

always forever…

To wish for a moment

with you,

I simply need to BE.

There are pieces of me,

Made from seconds,

and thoughts,

and creations,

Where we existed in one space

together…

visibly,

in the same wrinkle of time.

What we cannot see,

Now lies within our

very existence.

And this dreamy magic cape,

Shall remain with me..

Surrounding me in love,

Until that curtain rises,

Once again.

 

 

 

 

The Polaroid

As you turn to face your freedom…

In this moment

Take a picture

What does it show?

Your heart is beating,

But I cannot see it.

I see you smiling, or perhaps you are crying,

But is it a reflection,

Of your deepest thoughts and feelings?

Is it what you wish to portray, to “appear” ok

It matters .

I don’t care about the picture of this moment

It is only disguising the truth of your soul

I see the true you.

I love all you hold within.

Set it free.

And let another picture be taken,

As you turn to face your freedom..

 

The Embers

Love lives, as the fires sleep..

Within each of us

are the embers.

They ignite with love.

to light the way,

for our soul to journey

confidently.

There is the ember of wonder,

the ember of hope,

the ember of trust,

the ember of forgiveness,

the ember of gratitude,

the ember of creativity,

the ember of harmony~

Be open to receiving love.

It flutters in on the wings of

a butterfly,

It pours from the laughter of

children,

It circles you with a strangers

smile,

It finds you in a dream,

It catches you in unbelievable days,

and helps you believe~

Love creates light

Love dissolves fear,

Love lives as the fires sleep,

and will wake you…

again and again.

 

 

 

Still Within

And now, in full light, I see myself.

I’m digging my soul out from years of discarded pieces of myself.

I’m sweeping aside piles of stuff
That belonged to someone else’s journey.

The wreckage of choices
Made from someone else’s right or wrong, pressure or fear.

I’m lifting off this heavy, guilt-ridden costume.

It no longer fits.

there is something hiding within..

And now in full light I see myself.

My soul is bare and pristine.

Pulsing with a light of trust, and magic.

To be once again in my loving embrace.

The Pink Jiffy

As the bridges appeared, the joy and the light of that love, embraced the world and all within it, until, we were one…

I took a bright pink jiffy marker,

And turned the thin line that separates us

Into a beautiful bridge.

I felt my soul awaken,

As it raced to cross,

Finally able to give all the love

meant to share.

Little by little,

As the bridges appeared,

The joy and the light of that love

Embraced the world

And all within it,

Until,

We were one…

You Are With Me

Having known you~
Joy and tranquility
Are forever with me
I am without you
But you are with me

There isn’t another just like you
I haven’t found one even close
Like my favourite apples
When there are none
I leave without
Cuz I’d rather have none
Than one not quite right

Well, without you
I wander around …and I’m without.
I’m without you.
Right now in this moment you aren’t with me.
But your beautiful face,
Your chuckling, bubbling laughter,
Your wit,
Your warmth and accepting spirit that creates joy and tranquility,
Well that is with me.

Having known you~
Joy and tranquility
Are forever with me
I am without you
But you are with me

Love From Mom

I’m here. I need you to know.

I see you my child.

~Precious soul I miss too big to explain.

I’m here. I need you to know.

~I replay moments that we shared, and ones I’ve dreamed.

For you I’m just a scent and just a song away.

~For me you’re a whisper, a smile, a big step forward when I’m afraid and tired.

Yes.  I see you being so brave.  I’m there.  

For you I live in stories that you read and remember how they were told to you while I held you in my arms.

~There’s nothing like that safe warm dream of together.

I wish for it every second I’m still.  

I beg for it back when I’m worn out.  

When I don’t have anything left to hide all that stuff I keep underneath.  

Those days will come.

I’ll be there to help you hold that heavy feeling so it won’t weigh you down.

Those days will go.

You’ll find peace in a memory and laughter will soon follow.

You’ll find peace knowing our souls are forever meant to be.  

I’m right here…

Just on the other side of the thinnest wall where you can still feel my presence.

Still hear my laugh.

Still feel your heart thumping when you see my eyes light up for you.

A momma’s love who knows you through and through and treasures every bit.

You didn’t lose that.

It was, and it is.

This love exists in a realm surpassing life and death.

Long after we must part

It will wrap you up, like a warm towel after a hot bath.

It will sing you to sleep.

It will wake you when the sky is so beautifully blue that you simply must not miss it.

It will guide you with the sparkling sun.

It will remind you with the most delicious bloom under a peculiar tree.

It will gather your fears and send them soaring with the birds high above this wild world.

Don’t worry my dear.  I am right here.

I was on top of the world from the day I knew we would be together

and I am still ….

Right here.

On top of the world.

Watching over you,

every step of the way.

Keep on being brave my lil one.

It matters.

The tough parts are little bridges

that we must trust and

we must cross.

They don’t go on forever.

They just get us to the good stuff.

I hope you do the things you love today.  

Will you go for a drive?

Will you walk through the garden?  

I know in some way you will help others, it’s what feeds your soul…

Make yourself smile cuz that’s the time I love the most. 🙂

Love you always, forever, and still,

~mom

Two Souls In Separate Rooms

Walls so thin…

 

Memories of moments we shared

Dreams of times I wish we had

my love for you keeps things bright–

so your love for me finds it’s way home-

it always does

You’re always near-

we r just two souls in separate rooms

The walls so thin

I can feel your beating heart

I miss you

I love you