Silenced

What makes us lose our voice

So much to share

Lost in the minds overgrown maze

Of old “stuff”

Something tells me not to speak.

If I dare, the voice they hear will not be my own.

And I’m reminded to stay quiet.

Locked up..

Numb.

Beyond thick layers of secrets and dread

I still see myself…

That piece of me that cannot be burdened by a world that weighs me down

She smiles, waving from a sunlit field

I used to know her,

I used to be her.

How do I get back there?

Back to her..

I cannot stay here

Stuck.

Silenced.

Slowly blending in

With this parched soil.

Happy Mommy Day

image

Dear Momma…
A is for all the awesome anecdotes and amazing adventures!!
B is for Bonnie that’s meeeee–and bologna sandwiches and brown lettuce. Haha
C is for cookies piled up on the cupboard after school
D is for dammit
E is for everything outside my bubble of reality growing up. You dealt with a lot of shit nobody will ever begin to know or understand
F is for friend. You are my best one
G is for giggles we shared
H is for heinous cuz it’s a super funny word and hugs that kept me from crumbling
I is for ice cream jello
J is for jam tarts–I can put my admiration and appreciation into words if I think pastry –thank you for these dam delicious bits of wonderful
K is for kisses
L is for love, laughter and the life you gave me
M is for my momma, muffins, marigolds and the moovin van girls haha
N is for no …hehe I know. What???
O is for “Of course you are the favourite!!”
P is for polka to GX94 in the kitchen–and jive but j is for jam tarts FIRST!!
Q is for quiz. Question #1.  What is the first name of your favourite child?
R is for red BMX. God I loved that bike. Peavy Mart. Best day ever
S is for smarten up. Haha
T is for “time for chores!”
U is for unconditional love
V is for Vicks vaporub and the warm mist vaporizer when I was sick.
W is for wynyard wishart west bend and why the hell not??
X is for xtra everything
Y is for yes you can! Yes you should! And you are my sunshine
Z is for zipper replacement and other sewing fix ups–hems–take ins–buttons–customs –fabulous zig zag stitch

a mother fills an alphabet with words and creates a memory for each one!!!thank you for all you do and everything you are …I love you momma!!  Happy Mother’s Day!!!

The lil bug

I saw you there

In my watering can

And just in time

I scooped you up

And placed you gently

On my favourite marigold

You were so pleased

I could feel your love

As you wiggled and danced

Stretching out your

Lil body on that bright orange petal

You wanted to live

So life filled you

You wanted to fly

And you grew wings

Perhaps they were always there

But somehow

In that moment

It seemed anything was possible

That if you shared your world with an insect

They would share a tiny miracle

With you

And off you flew

Right by my happy eyes

To explore your world

Leaving me so thankful

For mine

But it wasn’t yours

And it wasn’t mine

It was ours

Seeker

By light of the day
On winds of the past
Our patchwork hearts
Are together at last

Forever to run
Freely to go
With a dash of sweet mystery
Full of unknown

Promise to wish
From the depths of your soul
Where bones turn to petals
And diamonds to coal

Where my dream
And your nightmare
Dance until dawn
Til the wishes on dandelions
Blanket the lawn

And we jump from the clouds
As the rain splashes down
Water drenched sunshine
Soaking the ground

And the petal takes root
Becoming a tree
Whose bones lay beneath
So sacred
And free

Hold your coal warm and close
Treasure hides like a secret
Waiting of course
For the seeker
To seek it….

Sept 18,2018

Promise

Our hearts were born with a promise
To beat with hope
Love
And truth
No matter what
To stay gentle
In disgrace
To share love
Through hate
And when the big storms pass ~

We are there
For those who lost their way
A light for all to find their own
Carried with them all along

Slowly remove the suffocating layers
That blurred the holes
Our souls peek through

Attempts to hide joy
With fear
Shattered with
The rise of those who embrace
The possibility of wonder

Soft heart’s
Begin to beat as one
Shining light back
To the sun

Lifting all
From pain to ease
From depleted to content
From lost
To found

There is a moment
When our world will change
You will feel it
As you choose to shine
To turn from
Thoughts that
Shake your heart
To those that flutter through you
Like butterflies through a garden
Watch as joy
Showers you in surprise.

Wish

As life shifts,
from those good times
To more challenging,
Less satisfying times,
There’s something we can try.

We can remember
Our appreciation of it’s perfection…
Our appreciation and the feeling …
That feeling we had
When things were really good.

As we let our minds wander
around those memories that make us feel invincible..
Those thoughts that fill us with joy,
And strength,
And the trust in harmony,
And in sweet dreams,
And in our own good hearts..

Very soon, as if by magic..
Those things we love,
Will show up in a brand new way
In a brand new place.

I’m Here

I’m here. I need you to know.

I replay moments that we shared and ones I’ve dreamed

For you I’m just a scent and just a song away

For me you’re a whisper, a smile, a big step forward when I’m afraid and tired.

I see you being brave.
In that moment you breathe in
In that moment you breathe out
In that moment your tears flow freely
In that moment you choose joy
I am here.

For you I live in an entire kaleidoscope of infinite stories that you read and tell and remember how they were told to you while I held you in my arms.
There’s nothing like that warm, safe dream of together.

I wish for it every second I’m still.
I beg for it back when I’m worn out.
When I don’t have anything left to hide all the stuff I keep underneath.

Those days do come
I’ll be there to help you hold that heavy feeling
You’ll find peace in a memory and laughter will soon follow.

I just wish you were here

I am ~ close your eyes
Do you see me?
Just on the other side of the thinnest wall where you can still feel my presence.
Still hear my laughter
Still feel your heart thumping when you see my eyes light up for you.

I really wish I could talk to you
Just once more

You can~I hear you
I bet you can hear me too

My love knows you through and through and treasures every bit.
You get to keep that for all eternity
And so do I.
Love exists in a realm surpassing life and death.

How do I find you?
How will I know you’re still here with me?

Did you know there is no end sweetheart~~
Only places far beyond our imagination
With lights as bright as the sun
No fear, no pain, no worry
Just joy. Just love.

You may feel we have separated
But we remain
Long after we must part
Love remains~~

It will wrap you up like a warm towel after a hot bath.
It will sing you to sleep.
It will wake you when the sky is so beautifully blue
that you simply must not miss it.
Maybe you will find a nickel
Catch a rainbow gracing gloom
Spot a dragonfly under the sparkling sun
See the most delicious bloom under a peculiar tree
See a bird soar high above this Wild world.
That is my love being sent straight to you

That is when you’ll know
You have found me
When you have opened your heart
Just enough to see the magic
That remains
That is me
I am always there

I was on top of the world from the day I knew we would be together
I am still ….
Right here.
A light to guide you through this world
In your heart
And right beside you too
Every step of the way.

Keep on being brave
It matters
The tough parts are little bridges that we must trust and
we must cross.
They don’t go on forever.
They just get us to the good stuff.

I hope you do the things you love today.
Go for a drive,
Walk through the garden
Bake a cake
Drink a big cup of coffee with just the right milk and sugar.
Make yourself smile cuz that’s the time I love the most. 🙂
I love you always, forever,
and still…

Surrender

I guess I wished I could set it aside
Leave it behind
That it would disappear
Or be picked up
Cracks patched
And be ok

But that’s not how we did things
I understood it belonged to me
Only for me
And no one else
I understood that nobody else
Wanted to see it

If they did
They would see imperfection,
weakness,
failure..

So I smuggled it in
Under a lovely sleepy moon
Cursed it for not being worthy
And as the sun came up
Placed it gently into a beautiful box
Wrapped it in pretty paper
Tied it tightly with a very nice ribbon
And towed it behind me like a prisoner would drag a ball a chain

Sometimes people ask
What is that??
It looks so pretty
It seems special,
Why do you ignore it?

Oh that?
It IS pretty
I make sure it looks just right
I make sure it doesn’t get in anyone else’s way
It is only for me
And no one else

I’m not sure if I’ll ever open it..

I’m sure getting tired of dragging it around though..

Sometimes I imagine how I would feel
To rip it open
Like it were Christmas morning
And shout “Ta da!!”
“Hey look at this!!”
Put it on display for all to see

There’s just no chance for it,
Hidden within such pretty paper

But to display it, say, on a mantle
Well there,
It may fall~~
Fall to the hard tile floor
Forever set free
Like me~~

Sail On

My child

I hold you while you slumber

please rest more

so we can share a breath

as you quiet your mind

and your breathing slows

your tired dream syncs

safely with the angels

I cherish you

I embrace your fight

dissolving any battles

easing all the angst

you awaken

utterly refreshed

full only of harmony

a knowledge of oneness

divine light

pouring over

your transformed soul

following a new map

to bring your gentle heart

back to the top

to rule the mind

you are a light

you must sail on

my kind and gentle child

carry that light

wherever the waves carry you

 

Ready For Change

The magic of you racing to uncover it, forced it to emerge into the sun

We were on a path,

Well worn,

Well marked,

Pretty enough,

Sufficient even,

Safe and predictable.

You left in a hurry,

With excitement and expectation.

I followed you,

Scared you may fall.

We raced together.

I tried to slow you down at first,

Battling thoughts in my head.

Do I stop you?

Do I put you back on the path of all known things

Where the familiar would comfort my fear,

Or do I run with you?

You just seemed to know that something wonderful beckoned,

the magic of you racing to uncover it, forced it to emerge into the sun

As though it could sense your arrival, all with perfect divine timing,

As you chose to listen to your inner being,

You were set free.

Free to explore.

Free to become the explorer you were born to be.

You would follow your heart,

And I would follow you.

What we found was what the universe wishes for us all,

To see life from a new perspective.

To find freedom.

To feel adventurous.

We were not bound to the rules

Of a place we didn’t fit in.

We embraced this journey,

Each step creating a new path in perfect harmony with our unique spirit.

We sat down together

And rocked back and forth,

Listening to the water flowing by.

The air around us was cold,

But we were warm and cozy like two kittens snuggled by a fire.

You were happy.

You were smiling.

You didn’t need to follow an old path through a familiar place.

You needed to be free to run and seek.

To lead us

To the beauty only you could find.

May I always be witness to the glorious life that unfolds around you,

As you create your own roads in this spectacular world.

It is ready for change.