Ready For Change

The magic of you racing to uncover it, forced it to emerge into the sun

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We were on a path,

Well worn,

Well marked,

Pretty enough,

Sufficient even,

Safe and predictable.

You left in a hurry,

With excitement and expectation.

I followed you,

Scared you may fall.

We raced together.

I tried to slow you down at first,

Battling thoughts in my head.

Do I stop you?

Do I put you back on the path of all known things

Where the familiar would comfort my fear,

Or do I run with you?

You just seemed to know that something wonderful beckoned,

the magic of you racing to uncover it, forced it to emerge into the sun

As though it could sense your arrival, all with perfect divine timing,

As you chose to listen to your inner being,

You were set free.

Free to explore.

Free to become the explorer you were born to be.

You would follow your heart,

And I would follow you.

What we found was what the universe wishes for us all,

To see life from a new perspective.

To find freedom.

To feel adventurous.

We were not bound to the rules

Of a place we didn’t fit in.

We embraced this journey,

Each step creating a new path in perfect harmony with our unique spirit.

We sat down together

And rocked back and forth,

Listening to the water flowing by.

The air around us was cold,

But we were warm and cozy like two kittens snuggled by a fire.

You were happy.

You were smiling.

You didn’t need to follow an old path through a familiar place.

You needed to be free to run and seek.

To lead us

To the beauty only you could find.

May I always be witness to the glorious life that unfolds around you,

As you create your own roads in this spectacular world.

It is ready for change.

Wake, Breathe, Seek Joy

Just be happy…

It’s what we’re meant to be.

And it will only BE

If you can truly BE YOU.

 

It’s exactly right to be exactly you.

This will make you happy.

It is not ok to feel knotted up inside trying to get along in society.

This will make you unhappy.

Every unique quality is like gold, to treasure and celebrate.

The value we each have,

The value we were born to share,

Is not meant to be hidden or altered.

We aren’t supposed to feel that differences mean things are harder, or will make life more of a struggle.

It would be harder if you were trying to fit into what someone else has decided is good, appropriate or necessary, to be of value and succeed.

You will struggle if  you feel you need to change in order to be worthy.

 

NO!

Don’t try to fit.

Just don’t.

You are not supposed to.

You came exactly the way you were meant to be.

Who says any passion or characteristic is more or less

It just isn’t so.

 

I am choosing to give my son a home where we trust in his true purpose

A purpose known by him and guided by him.

I choose to help him express himself in ways that bring him joy.

His very being, has brought joy to the world around him,

I see my most important job is to ensure his joy remains free flowing.

As it flows it washes away hurt, worry, stress and anger.

It always leaves a shine in the eyes of those who truly see him.

I won’t teach him “quiet hands” or shush his humm.

These are things that make him happy.

We are supposed to be happy right?

YES!

We will create a new way of life.

Where we are free to be, and live and communicate in OUR best way,

We will never conform to a tired old “normal”

It goes beyond awareness of conditions or disorders.

It goes far beyond a cute logo, coloured light and inclusion.

It is so much more than services and understanding or the lack of.

I don’t see any of those things….anymore.

You see,

I realized something because of what

I DO see.

I see him.  I see him enjoying his life.

I see him finding ways to make himself happy

I see him loving the heck out of things like trains and honeycombs.

I know he is full of pure, sweet, love.

The only time I see him upset

Is when we’re trying to make him “fit” into some ridiculous standard

Or when we push our needs ahead of his own.

It is true that as a family there will need to be compromise and it is likely there will be some annoyance along the way.

But I choose to be part of a family

That has unconditional support for each other,

Where we show big love,

Where we do the stuff that makes us laugh,

Where the cheerleading for our own, and each others

True inner joy

is so exuberant and so silly

It never fails

It just cannot.

 

I believe,

That good things can happen.

We know,

That accepting differences is the way toward change.

Where things we only dream of

Can be created in our reality

And show us all a new way.

Of course, I’m not just speaking to those of us with undeniable differences.

This is for anyone who wakes and breathes and seeks joy.

If you can take away one thought

From all of this,

Just be happy

It’s what we’re meant to be.

And it will only BE

If you can truly

BE YOU.

 

 

Marshmallow

I’m not about to eat them everyday but wow what a nice experience for my mouth that was.

I like to do things the exact same every time. If I have a way to get somewhere I’m not likely going to change it. Even if you promise it’s faster, or easier. If I’ve already figured out MY way, that’s it. Things like pulling into the driveway. I pull up. Sometimes my husband backs in…no…why are you doing that? I like to eat the same things together and can sometimes eat the same meal everyday. I pack my kids lunches almost exactly the same everyday. Luckily they are also creatures of habit.

Once I figured out where to take my recycling I was horrified when I was told there was a much closer one to go to. Uh no. That means going in and figuring this new place out. Starting from scratch?! NO! There is just such a heavy weight that comes with getting to an unfamiliar place and then going in and “making friends” with that new space and the new faces.  I actually DID try this closer recycling place.  It WAS much closer and MUCH cleaner and easier so it is now my place.

Sometimes if the planets align and I face my fears and try something new it becomes my new thing which is why, even though I describe myself as super set in my ways and unlikely to change, it doesn’t mean I want to completely shut down and never again look at the possibilities ….it just means the lead up and the many variables have to be just so.

Then one magical day I might try eating a plain marshmallow and like it! I am 41 and just tried my very first plain marshmallow after years of assuming they were too sticky and too sweet. I’m not about to eat them everyday but wow what a nice experience for my mouth that was. Now, to be completely honest, because lord knows I cannot leave out precious details, I DID only agree to eat the marshmallow if I rolled a 5.  I did.  And no, I don’t roll the dice for all my decisions. Some of you may try bungee jumping, some of us sample a well known well loved treat with far more trepidation.

I’ll eat at home.

I don’t want to be required to talk to people to get my food.

I don’t usually like eating at restaurants or other peoples houses. I don’t want to be required to talk to people to get my food. What if they seat me at a table with 2-4 hard chairs?  No, I need a booth.  A quiet, cozy booth out of the way of traffic and bright windows.  What if I order something super scrumptious and want to stuff it in, but then cannot even enjoy it because of all the people around who might be watching me eat? I’ll be forced to take pretty little bites and dab my lips over and over.  Things will get sloppy and I’ll be stuck trekking through a bunch of tables and people to find the washroom. It will be smelly and have super loud flushing toilets that flush when I’m not ready.  There will be hand dryers that only go off once I am certain they aren’t working with my type of motion. It will be too dark to actually see the sauce on my uncomfortable outing outfit.  As I find my way back to the table I will wonder if people are staring.  If I see someone look at me I will assume I have something dreadful stuck to my shoe or worse, maybe I forgot to pull my pants up!  I’ll wish I had checked the mirror just one more time.

I don’t feel “chill” enough to risk going to someone’s house where I’m likely already in something way less comfy than yoga pants and a sweater and then be served fish. Or something equally grotesque like liver? How do I maintain my happy-go-lucky, calm persona when the look and smell of the food on my plate make me feel like I might start spinning around while vomiting like the exorcist girl? What if they have no diet coke…only regular? What if they don’t have kids and want to talk about politics? What if they have some fancy fork or tong that everyone but me knows how to use? What if their toilet runs over??  What if they serve wine and they start to wonder if I had too much when I slur my words, not realizing I’m just really uncomfortable and rarely speak without some sort of nonsense coming out.  What if I DO have too much wine and I start channeling their deceased Grandma or recently departed hamster??  No thanks, I’ll eat at home.

Go for Coffee??

You wouldn’t ask Santa if we could “do this more often” Hasn’t he done enough?

“Hey, let’s go for coffee”  Uh, excuse me?  No.  That’s just way too aggressive.  Like where are we going?  Will it be hard to find, is wide open parking available?  What kind of people will be there?  Will I feel awkward? (of course I’ll feel awkward)  Will they have weird coffees that nobody knows how to pronounce, forcing me to sound like an idiot??  Will I need to pay ten dollars for a big silly mug of some hard to pronounce brew that I will be too nervous to even enjoy?  Will someone else you know show up, forcing me to act all cool and fun?  Will it turn into shopping and a movie?  Will I be unable to concoct a good enough reason why I can’t go.  Is “I need to go home and sit quietly” a good enough reason to refuse a continued interaction?  If I’m able to get out of there safely will you start popping in?  What if you start calling me to kill time?  Will I happily agree to your super fun party while we are being all social and then finally, at home, be in the pits of hell trying to figure my way out of it?  I can maybe do one event.  Per year.  It takes me the rest of the year to reflect on it and find moments to recover from it.   Kinda like Santa.  You wouldn’t ask Santa if we could “do this more often”  Hasn’t he done enough?  I realize I’m not heading out with a sleigh full of toys and bringing joy to one and all but I’m preparing and planning and will be putting on my best self when it’s my time.   When I head home that’s it.  Year off.